Walking back down to the rock
Recently I've taken to characterizing my professional life as that of the myth of Sisyphus. In case you don't recall it by name, I'll give you the Cliff Notes version (in a fashion I'm sure any mythology expert would have convulsions over. Here's a better synopsis by one of my favorites, Albert Camus.)
Sisyphus was condemned to an eternity of pushing an enormous rock up a hill. As he would struggle under back-breaking effort to push the rock to the top, his efforts would be rewarded with the rock plunging back down the hill. Time and time again, Sisyphus would walk back down the hill to put his weight behind the rock and push it to the top, knowing that he would soon repeat the entire process.
The thing is, Sisyphus soon found that his only joy in life was found during his hour-long returns back down the hill. And in those moments, he found solitude and true consciousness.
Kind of a severe optimism. The best of making the best of a rocky situation.
Such is my own struggle with workload, deadlines and family balance. And every Sunday night, I stand at the bottom of the hill, stretching sore mental muscles, steeling my resolve and preparing to put shoulder to stone. Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy what I do, and work is going tremendously well. Still, the perfectionist in me struggles with getting everything done right, on time and with an adequate amount of time to validate my own decisions. Sometimes, that time for reflection doesn't exist and it causes me a certain amount of cognitive dissonance. Sometimes it's exhilarating to plunge into this growth headlong. But when I fear it borders on recklessness, I get uneasy. I suppose if it was recklessness, I wouldn't even be pondering the issue. By acknowledging my concerns and keeping them present, I work to ensure things don't get out of control.
Last Friday, I was in San Jose on an ad pitch. This week, I will be in Reno for 2.5 days on a video shoot. These two instances are reflections of our growth and the exciting projects we have underway, but they also expose the challenges of being out of the office. I trust my staff. But every minute of every day (particularly recently) necessitates some decision or action on my part. And being out of the office makes me tense, I admit. At any given moment, I'm prioritizing three or four things, and trying to communicate answers to any number of employees or vendors. All while trying to be attentive to the moment. When I'm out of the flow, I feel like the plates I've been spinning will begin crashing to the floor.
On a deeper level, I guess I'm grappling with the belief that someday I'll push the rock over the top of the hill and feel a sense of accomplishment...or completion. Thing is, I know there will be another hill just ahead. And I need to become at peace with the fact that it's not the destination that matters, but the journey.
Sisyphus was condemned to an eternity of pushing an enormous rock up a hill. As he would struggle under back-breaking effort to push the rock to the top, his efforts would be rewarded with the rock plunging back down the hill. Time and time again, Sisyphus would walk back down the hill to put his weight behind the rock and push it to the top, knowing that he would soon repeat the entire process.
The thing is, Sisyphus soon found that his only joy in life was found during his hour-long returns back down the hill. And in those moments, he found solitude and true consciousness.
Kind of a severe optimism. The best of making the best of a rocky situation.
Such is my own struggle with workload, deadlines and family balance. And every Sunday night, I stand at the bottom of the hill, stretching sore mental muscles, steeling my resolve and preparing to put shoulder to stone. Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy what I do, and work is going tremendously well. Still, the perfectionist in me struggles with getting everything done right, on time and with an adequate amount of time to validate my own decisions. Sometimes, that time for reflection doesn't exist and it causes me a certain amount of cognitive dissonance. Sometimes it's exhilarating to plunge into this growth headlong. But when I fear it borders on recklessness, I get uneasy. I suppose if it was recklessness, I wouldn't even be pondering the issue. By acknowledging my concerns and keeping them present, I work to ensure things don't get out of control.
Last Friday, I was in San Jose on an ad pitch. This week, I will be in Reno for 2.5 days on a video shoot. These two instances are reflections of our growth and the exciting projects we have underway, but they also expose the challenges of being out of the office. I trust my staff. But every minute of every day (particularly recently) necessitates some decision or action on my part. And being out of the office makes me tense, I admit. At any given moment, I'm prioritizing three or four things, and trying to communicate answers to any number of employees or vendors. All while trying to be attentive to the moment. When I'm out of the flow, I feel like the plates I've been spinning will begin crashing to the floor.
On a deeper level, I guess I'm grappling with the belief that someday I'll push the rock over the top of the hill and feel a sense of accomplishment...or completion. Thing is, I know there will be another hill just ahead. And I need to become at peace with the fact that it's not the destination that matters, but the journey.
posted by JabberDrew at 9:45 PM
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