Girls with far away eyes
Before Sydney went off to L.A. with her girl scout troop on Saturday, I told her how exciting it was that she was able to do things without Lori and me. I told her that it was when she first went to pre-school that the reality set in that she was beginning a lifetime of experiences not witnessed by either of her parents. At the time, that was a disquieting, foreign experience for us -- our only little girl off in the big world alone -- but one that we resigned ourselves to.
Today, I picked up the girls from school. I sat at their lunch tables outside the back of the school for about 10 minutes, waiting for the girls to converge from either side of the courtyard at the predetermined meeting spot. The bell rang and Sydney came out first from my left side. As the classroom door opened, Sydney was fully immersed in a conversation with her best friend and it took her twenty or thirty seconds to even notice me, despite the fact that I was five feet away. I took special notice of her eyes, which seemed very distant, and saw that she was engaged in her own life. Once she fully acknowledged my presence, her eyes cleared and she was my giggly little first-born again, but I was really taken by the experience, however mundane. It's like her eyes were misted over with the creation of memories. Memories formed for six hours a day in a world I'll never experience with the depth and wonder that she does daily. I know what those days were like for me at that age...I'm just grateful I got to get a glimpse of hers today.
On two days during this Mr. Mom stint, I've taken Emelie to Mathnasium. It's a tutoring center for, what else, math that Emelie's been attending two days a week for a few months now. Her teacher recommended it to help her sharpen her skills. Not that she is deficient, but her teacher thought it would help her get the confidence she needs in class. It's been great for her. Emelie's embraced the experience, and Lori and I both feel she enjoys it because it's her own...one thing for which she hasn't followed in Sydney's footsteps. Dropping her off there on both occasions, I see her say goodbye to me and set off on a programmed pattern of activities. I had no idea what I was supposed to do when I got there, so I kind of stood by the door and smiled simply like the half-dozen non-English speaking parents there. Emelie proceeded to her shelf, got her workbook and waved at me sweetly, but dismissively. She, too, set off into her own world.
I realize to many people reading this, and most parents who have six- and/or nine-year old children, that this kind of amazement over the routines of their children's lives may smack of disinterest. The fact that I'm only now appreciating these little nuances of their lives is not a reflection of any lack of concern on my part, but it's an unfortunate reality of my role in this family and the price of enabling Lori to stay home. I'm fortunate that we are able to have Lori stay home and avoid many of the pitfalls of a two-working-parent household -- which is, frankly, more the norm than the exception in Orange County.
I'm happy that Lori gets to witness this day-to-day evolution. While my discoveries come weeks and even months in between, I absolutely marvel at the ability of the smallest things to make such a big impact.
Today, I picked up the girls from school. I sat at their lunch tables outside the back of the school for about 10 minutes, waiting for the girls to converge from either side of the courtyard at the predetermined meeting spot. The bell rang and Sydney came out first from my left side. As the classroom door opened, Sydney was fully immersed in a conversation with her best friend and it took her twenty or thirty seconds to even notice me, despite the fact that I was five feet away. I took special notice of her eyes, which seemed very distant, and saw that she was engaged in her own life. Once she fully acknowledged my presence, her eyes cleared and she was my giggly little first-born again, but I was really taken by the experience, however mundane. It's like her eyes were misted over with the creation of memories. Memories formed for six hours a day in a world I'll never experience with the depth and wonder that she does daily. I know what those days were like for me at that age...I'm just grateful I got to get a glimpse of hers today.
On two days during this Mr. Mom stint, I've taken Emelie to Mathnasium. It's a tutoring center for, what else, math that Emelie's been attending two days a week for a few months now. Her teacher recommended it to help her sharpen her skills. Not that she is deficient, but her teacher thought it would help her get the confidence she needs in class. It's been great for her. Emelie's embraced the experience, and Lori and I both feel she enjoys it because it's her own...one thing for which she hasn't followed in Sydney's footsteps. Dropping her off there on both occasions, I see her say goodbye to me and set off on a programmed pattern of activities. I had no idea what I was supposed to do when I got there, so I kind of stood by the door and smiled simply like the half-dozen non-English speaking parents there. Emelie proceeded to her shelf, got her workbook and waved at me sweetly, but dismissively. She, too, set off into her own world.
I realize to many people reading this, and most parents who have six- and/or nine-year old children, that this kind of amazement over the routines of their children's lives may smack of disinterest. The fact that I'm only now appreciating these little nuances of their lives is not a reflection of any lack of concern on my part, but it's an unfortunate reality of my role in this family and the price of enabling Lori to stay home. I'm fortunate that we are able to have Lori stay home and avoid many of the pitfalls of a two-working-parent household -- which is, frankly, more the norm than the exception in Orange County.
I'm happy that Lori gets to witness this day-to-day evolution. While my discoveries come weeks and even months in between, I absolutely marvel at the ability of the smallest things to make such a big impact.
posted by JabberDrew at 9:02 PM
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