Flat Spamley
We live in a fast Forward world. Not the VCR kind. I'm talking about the kneejerk junk mail-forwarding mentality manifested by the tangled Web around us.
We've all read the same ridiculous chain emails -- the electronic brood beget by their send-to-10-friends-today-or-die paper progenitors. We've read the amazing claims about investment scams, abduction plots and political ploys. And we've all been guilty of forwarding them to our friends and families (sometimes multiple times) with our incredulous tagged-on comments like "This is REALLY TRUE" and "YOU HAVE TO READ THIS, it may save your life!!"
The fact of the matter is, most of that forwarding is just an unconscious reflex...a spasmodic mouse click of mindless mechanics. Admit it, half the time you don't even read what you forward. It's just a way to "show someone you care" by sending them droning digital drivel that has circulated every corporate cubicle farm since 1996. It's the same sterile, binary affection afforded by the Facebook "poke" or the cellphone "knock."
But I'm not here to talk about the heartless, anonymous flame-a-thon world the Web has fostered. Not today.
I'm here to talk about the latest incarnation of this insidious forwarding trend: Flat Stanley. For those of you who have spawned offspring and they've reached second or third grade, you've probably been introduced to Flat Stanley. Teachers might think of him as a dynamic, engaging exercise in communication. I think he's a surreptitious avatar of spam.
If you don't know about Flat Stanley, the concept is simple. Your kid's teacher gives your child a paper voodoo form of varying shape and size. Most have the silhouette of a gingerbread man. I've seen some letter-sized, some life-sized. Your child then comes home and shovels it off on you so you can recruit unwitting friends and family members to welcome Flat Stanley into their homes. Said friends and family are then obligated to take Flat Stanley around their towns for a week or so, introduce the scrap of paper to the hard realities of life, and take pictures of the progress. They then have to send Flat Stanley back to you, along with pictures and chronicled adventures of their time together, so your kid can write a "report."
Personally, I think the only lesson the kids learn is how to pass the buck...or the Stanley...off on their parents and how to write a meaningless report that hopefully has some funny pictures from their grandparents or uncle so their little friends will giggle in class when they see them.
Right now, there are probably millions of Flat Stanleys traversing this majestic nation of ours, employing thousands of postal workers and making millions of recipients roll their eyes and sigh with resignation at the tiresome task that awaits them. Our youngest daughter's sits on my desk as I type, awaiting its imminent departure to Arizona.
Maybe I should like Flat Stanley. Maybe I should appreciate him for being one of the last vestiges of a world not dominated by email, text messages and tweets. But to me, he's just junk mail of another form and fiber.
We've all read the same ridiculous chain emails -- the electronic brood beget by their send-to-10-friends-today-or-die paper progenitors. We've read the amazing claims about investment scams, abduction plots and political ploys. And we've all been guilty of forwarding them to our friends and families (sometimes multiple times) with our incredulous tagged-on comments like "This is REALLY TRUE" and "YOU HAVE TO READ THIS, it may save your life!!"
The fact of the matter is, most of that forwarding is just an unconscious reflex...a spasmodic mouse click of mindless mechanics. Admit it, half the time you don't even read what you forward. It's just a way to "show someone you care" by sending them droning digital drivel that has circulated every corporate cubicle farm since 1996. It's the same sterile, binary affection afforded by the Facebook "poke" or the cellphone "knock."
But I'm not here to talk about the heartless, anonymous flame-a-thon world the Web has fostered. Not today.
I'm here to talk about the latest incarnation of this insidious forwarding trend: Flat Stanley. For those of you who have spawned offspring and they've reached second or third grade, you've probably been introduced to Flat Stanley. Teachers might think of him as a dynamic, engaging exercise in communication. I think he's a surreptitious avatar of spam.
If you don't know about Flat Stanley, the concept is simple. Your kid's teacher gives your child a paper voodoo form of varying shape and size. Most have the silhouette of a gingerbread man. I've seen some letter-sized, some life-sized. Your child then comes home and shovels it off on you so you can recruit unwitting friends and family members to welcome Flat Stanley into their homes. Said friends and family are then obligated to take Flat Stanley around their towns for a week or so, introduce the scrap of paper to the hard realities of life, and take pictures of the progress. They then have to send Flat Stanley back to you, along with pictures and chronicled adventures of their time together, so your kid can write a "report."
Personally, I think the only lesson the kids learn is how to pass the buck...or the Stanley...off on their parents and how to write a meaningless report that hopefully has some funny pictures from their grandparents or uncle so their little friends will giggle in class when they see them.
Right now, there are probably millions of Flat Stanleys traversing this majestic nation of ours, employing thousands of postal workers and making millions of recipients roll their eyes and sigh with resignation at the tiresome task that awaits them. Our youngest daughter's sits on my desk as I type, awaiting its imminent departure to Arizona.
Maybe I should like Flat Stanley. Maybe I should appreciate him for being one of the last vestiges of a world not dominated by email, text messages and tweets. But to me, he's just junk mail of another form and fiber.
posted by JabberDrew at 9:45 PM
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